During your marriage, you may have said things to your spouses that you regret. But there is no way to take them back, and toxic phrases have a way of harming your relationship beyond repair. So what are the things that you should never say to your spouse if you want to keep peace and have a happy marriage? Read on to know our list of top things that you should never say to your spouse.
Don’t Threaten Them With Divorce
You may invariably regret it later if you threaten your spouse with divorce. It might indicate that you aren’t fully committed to the marriage lasting forever. This might cause your spouse to feel rejected and might keep him from feeling safe by loving you. But once you have threatened your spouse with divorce, even though it was an idle threat, the damage has already been done to your marriage.
It will definitely take a toll on your partner if you let them know that you have one foot out of the door. You should never mention divorce until you have explored all the avenues to make your marriage work. You can cause serious damage to your marriage just by saying divorce to your partner, as it creates doubt in their minds and causes a lot of hurt. Considering how many marriages end in divorce annually, you don’t want your one to count as one of them.
Don’t Call Them A Liar
Trust is a critical component when you want to have a successful relationship. It can backfire if you tell your spouse directly that you don’t trust them. You can tell them that you are having trouble believing they have told you the entire story. This is less accusatory and makes it seem less inflammable. You can ask questions about a particular situation to open the lines of communication altogether.
You should try to listen more rather than hurtling harsh and accusatory sentences. If you gather all the facts, you will be more capable of understanding your spouse’s behavior. This way, you will also be able to react to the whole situation more appropriately.
Don’t Tell Them How They Should React To Something
Sometimes people make comments such as ‘You’re being too sensitive’, ‘Calm Down’, and ‘No need to get so defensive’, to stop their spouse from getting upset. We don’t realize that this can make them feel as if their emotions aren’t valid, justified, or being heard. Your partner needs to feel safe while voicing their vulnerability to you. You need to make them feel that they are not being judged.
Using those phrases will make your partner feel more agitated when you are actually trying to make them less upset. These phrases might seem belittling and degrading to your spouse, and they might respond with volatility, anger, and hostility. Instead of telling them how to feel and react to any situation, you should allow them to vent and hear them out. This will enable you to resolve any matter better.
Avoid Being Passive Aggressive
It might be obvious to you that something is wrong. So if you are brushing it off by saying nothing is wrong, you are passive-aggressive. It might also seem like you are trying to avoid a fight by skirting the issue. This is why you are encouraging your partner to start a fight for you.
You have to remember that fighting is healthy in maintaining a long-term relationship. Bringing up your differences during a fight might actually help you to find common ground and make breakthroughs.
Avoiding fighting actually might worsen the issue, as being able to communicate what you are feeling is the best way to work out the conflicts between the two of you. If you keep acting like nothing is wrong, you risk escalating the matter further, leading to being more frustrated. It is best to talk it out as calmly and respectfully as possible.
Don’t Dismiss Each Others Feelings
Your spouse might feel you dismiss or minimize their feelings when you say ‘whatever.’ Hence saying this brings nothing upbeat; rather, it sounds somewhat disgruntled. So smile instead; you will be surprised that many problems can actually dissipate with just a smile and a hug. Your spouse will let you know when they are ready to talk. So don’t dismiss their feelings; instead, wait for the right moment with patience.
Don’t Try To Test Their Love
When you say things like ‘If you really loved me, you would…’ saying this puts your partner in defense. Normally this is a passive-aggressive need to address your needs with your partner. Your partner should not feel pressured into doing something they don’t want to do to prove his love. You should rather make requests to your partner in a direct, non-confrontational way. Try authentic ways of trying to connect. Say positive things instead of things that might instigate your spouse.
Don’t Make Them Feel Unintelligent
‘I told you so’ is a classic example of things you shouldn’t say to your spouse, as this can directly make them feel dumb. This belittles them and indirectly implies that you are more intelligent than them. You won’t really be solving anything by saying something like this.
Your spouse is well aware that the outcome is not how they expected but rather how you predicted. And your spouse does not need to be reminded of that. Especially from you at that moment. The urge to rub it in might be overwhelming, but you just have to resist that urge.
It is not tough to maintain a healthy and happy marriage if you know what you should and shouldn’t do. What you say to your spouse is something that has an impact on how they feel toward you and the marriage in general. So be cautious as to what you are saying to them. Be informed to have a happy, successful marriage. Hope our tips have helped you a bit in that regard.