With the irrefutable joys come the indisputable heartaches of matrimony. But just like a view is never quite the same after a storm, so is marriage after a period of trials. In the aftermath, whether the marriage becomes more solid than ever or broken beyond repair depends mainly on how the couple handles their marital lows and highs.
Many couples dream of having a successful marriage, and dedicatedly working around and through marital problems is as key to that as consistently rejoicing in the small victories.
There you go, the secret’s out!
Then again, if you look on Relationship Scope, it hasn’t been a secret for some time. What has remained elusive for many couples is how to circumvent the obstacles standing in the way of lasting marital bliss. So, what’s the untold recipe?
4 Scientifically-Proven Ways To Live a Happy Married Life
Marital challenges have the ability to alter the very fibers weaving a marriage together. They can influence how spouses view their union, each other, and even the world.
Some can take the form of seemingly harmless issues swept under the rug, only to manifest into festering emotional wounds and trauma down the road. More often than not, these become the reasons for a marriage’s demise.
So, how does a couple overcome them? Science gives the answers in the following:
1. Celebrate the Good Things
Marriage has its ups and downs, but keeping it happy means making a conscious effort to celebrate the good moments. Never let a positive thing go uncelebrated if you can help it. Yes, you can go overboard; we even recommend it, in fact.
Married couples who are more intimate, trusting, and committed are usually the ones who regularly commemorate life’s good moments. Even if your partner thinks it’s enough that you’re proud of his or her accomplishment, it can be healthy for you both to celebrate the achievement.
2. For One Bad Moment, Make Up for It Several-Fold
For the bad moments to never outnumber the good ones, sometimes, we need to take matters into our own hands. There’s no need to keep track of every positive and negative occurrence. However, if it’s obvious they’re neck-and-neck, or the bad is starting to catch up, be proactive in creating good moments.
It can be as simple as giving your partner a back massage after a long day at work or as extra as taking them on vacation overseas.
Marriage stability can depend a lot on the ratio between the good and bad moments. When the good exceeds the bad by some margin, the happier the marriage tends to be. Let that ratio drop and see your chances of enduring conjugal bliss fall with it.
The reality of life is that no couple really keeps a running count of good and bad incidents. Yet, when it comes right down to it, only “apologizing” for the negative ones shouldn’t cut it. More often than not, a partner should do something to make up for his or her bad behavior instead of just saying, “I’m sorry.” Those words can mean a lot, but it’s prone to abuse.
3. High Standards Should Be the Only Acceptable Standards
Often, you hear couples being told to lower their standards for marriage. That way, they won’t get hurt easily. On the contrary, such an approach could end up hurting your marriage to the point of no repair. That’s because you’d be settling, and one knows never to settle for a substandard marriage.
People who set high expectations for their marriage, those who want passion and romance and the whole nine yards, usually end up getting exactly that. On the other hand, those who set the bar low for romance, treatment, and communication make do with the bare minimum or even none of those things.
A couple who wants to experience the best their marriage has to offer should expect each other to deliver accordingly. Men and women who have a reasonably high benchmark for marriage usually have better chances of getting a good and happy one.
4. Keep Your Support System Close
The idea that marriage should only involve you and your partner is unrealistic and unhealthy. Keep your loved ones in the know. Your marriage may be independent of that of your other relationships, but the fact is that you still have those connections.
A couple sharing everything together isn’t necessarily a good thing. To truly strengthen a marriage, a couple should not weigh each other down with too many emotional demands.
That doesn’t mean dialing down on emotional intimacy; it simply entails strengthening other relationships in your life. The bonus you get from that? No one will have to handle beyond what their mental and emotional health can bear.
Last but Not Least: Don’t Forget To Keep Things Exciting!
Science wholeheartedly agrees! It’s good to have “nice” activities, but it’s even better to have interesting and exciting ones. These pursuits remind couples that the best years of their marriage could still be ahead of them.
Don’t cut those “pulse-pounding” date nights because you have a family; work them into your schedule instead. Hire a babysitter, ask your parents to watch the kids, or reschedule if necessary. Just make sure to incorporate them sufficiently in your marriage.
Fortify your marriage by keeping things fresh and exciting and ensuring there’s always something new to look forward to.
Main Photo by Jasmine Carter.