I remember the first time that I heard about a girl who sabotaged her birth control in order to get a guy to marry her. The victim was a guy friend of mine. It was shocking, even for someone who’s “seen it all” like myself. It was appalling to think that a girl would go so far as to get pregnant in order to try to force a relationship that shouldn’t happen.
The guy was left in the dark about the entire ordeal, and he honestly thought that it was a random accident. He’s still with her, but the end goal of marriage isn’t happening. He straight up admitted that he’d never marry her—baby or not. The girl, who is a regular in my circle of friends, has another nasty secret that her boyfriend doesn’t know about.
She was engaged to someone else. Behind his back.
These kinds of horror stories, as I only recently discovered, are fairly common. Realizing this made me understand why guys are so hesitant to date and marry. The majority of women I met are still honest and decent people. That said, I feel like it’s important for a man to know the signs she’s not being honest with you.
- She has a reputation for lying
Though it’s not always guaranteed, you can often learn a lot about a person by the reputation that they have. If you keep hearing worrisome stories through the grapevine, you might want to slow things down with the girl you’re dating. At the very least, there’s a chance she’s not being honest with you about who she used to be.
- She often feel like she’s hiding something, even though you can’t quite figure out why
Does she seem a little too good to be true? Do you have a nagging suspicion that all isn’t quite what it seems? In a lot of situations, your gut may be right.
- You’ve noticed that she’s trickle-truthed you before
Trickle-truthing you about past exploits can be a pretty solid indicator that she’s not as decent a person as you think she is.
What is trickle-truthing, you ask? It’s when someone reveals little details of what happened in an effort to soften the blow of a confession. A good example of this would be saying that she never cheated on an ex, then saying that she was in an “open” relationship with him, followed by her later admitting she cheated.
- People have warned you that she’s lying to you or that she’s manipulative
Assuming that the warning isn’t coming from a bitter ex, this can be a serious cause for concern. Most people in your life will be worried for your own safety and wellbeing. They also are highly unlikely to speak up unless something is very, very wrong.
If you notice that people who are normally supportive of your relationships are now starting to speak up about your current girlfriend, you have a problem.
- She won’t let you near her phone or her computer
Our technology tends to be where we have most of our lives stored. That’s why one of the clearest signs she’s not being honest with you about her life deals with how she reacts to you going near her phone. If she freaks out when you reach for it or insists that you never use her tech, chances are that she may be cheating on you.
- Events often seem to have “coincidental” timing with her
This is what should have probably tipped off my guy friend about his girl. He openly admitted he was considering leaving her and stated he’d never marry her. Coincidentally, she got pregnant within the month. Weird how that happens, isn’t it?
Though coincidences can sometimes happen, you really should take a look at the likelihood of certain things happening. If strange occurrences keep popping up, then you should question why they are so common—and why your girlfriend might be orchestrating them.
- She often alludes to things that she wants, then somehow “circumstances change” so it turns into a need
This goes hand in hand with point number six, and should be a major red flag for anyone in the dating scene. To date, I know two women who sabotaged birth control to get married. Both started talking about marriage and alluded to “accidents happening” prior to doing it. It’s food for thought, that’s for sure.
- When you try to talk to her about certain things, she finds a way to shut down the conversation immediately
A cornerstone of honesty is the ability to openly discuss matters that bother you without having the other partner flip out, guilt you, stonewall you, or otherwise shut down the conversation. If there are certain topics that she refuses to discuss and continually diverts you from, you’re almost certainly dealing with someone who’s dishonest.
- She sometimes sounds like she’s rehearsed certain lines she says to you
Liars will sometimes go so far as to practice the lies they say in order to “keep straight” when confronted. If what she’s saying sounds rehearsed, it’s quite likely that she’s lying to you about the subject at hand.
- If you try to double-check something she said, she makes it harder for you to do
An honest person will not make it difficult for you to fact-check. They would have nothing to lose by showing you the facts. If your girlfriend makes it hard for you to double-check what she says, she’s not being honest with you.
- She’s accused you of cheating on her, using her for money, or similarly deceitful acts
This is a classic tactic that’s used by both female and male cheaters, abusers, and users called projection. Studies show that projection happens when people feel guilty about their own wrongdoings and feel a need to believe that others around them are doing the same.
- Things aren’t adding up
When you’re telling the truth, you don’t get your story mixed up because you didn’t need to make up details. With liars, they will get little details wrong. Stories start to shift. Things stop making sense. If it seems like the stories she’s telling keep warping, it’s time to call it quits. She’s lying to you.