The Dating Scene is Changing—And It’s Totally Shocking

    Right now, the world is seeing a major demographic shift and it’s affecting dating around the world. In China, men outnumber women by 34 million. In India, another country that was known for preferring men over women, the excess amount of men is equally bad. Demographers are now saying that this is leading to a marriage crisis. Simply put, there are not enough women for the men out there.

    Stateside, it’s a bit different. Sort of.

    There’s an extra amount of women in America, and studies suggest the amount of men who want to have a committed relationship has begun to decline. However, if you look at the dating scene, you’ll notice something very unusual going on. Though there are fewer men who seem to be interested in marriage and dating, it’s still very clear that women are winning in the overall dating scene.

    In the United States, the issue isn’t a full lack of men. It’s that women are increasingly unwilling to tolerate men who don’t work with them, suit their needs, or give them “the spark.” With women quickly catching up to men in the workplace, and men rapidly reducing their willingness to contribute to relationships, things are changing.

    Men are starting to become less wanted, and as a result, are having a harder time getting dates (or sex) in many situations. Though women would love relationships, it’s clear most would rather be alone than be with dead weight. The effects that this is having on dating, men, and society as we know it is far beyond anything we’ve ever seen before.

    “A job is just not enough anymore.”

    Men are facing new struggles in finding love—struggles no one may have really prepared for. Speaking as someone who has heard the same drone of messages said to men for the past 20-odd years, I can see where the struggles come from. Society, for a very long time, has had outdated or downright warped views about relationships. This has created a lot of problems in the minds and hearts of all genders.

    Women are told that they’ll find their Prince Charming, that he’ll be rich, that he’ll be good, and all that jazz. They are told not to settle and that it’s better to be alone than be with the wrong person. So, they don’t settle. And really, why would they? By the time that most girls are in high school, it becomes clear that a lot of the guys in their class won’t provide for a partner—and might not even provide for themselves.

    Speaking as a 30-year-old surrounded by people younger than them, I’ve noticed that most women do want a relationship. They absolutely want commitment. However, most of the girls I’ve spoken to are more concerned about their own careers, simply because they know they can’t rely on a man to be there. These same girls are also far less likely to settle when it comes to attraction, simply because it doesn’t make sense to do that anymore. Single is not as stigmatized as it once was.

    Men, on the other hand, are told another set of values. They are told that they will get a great job, that they will get a girlfriend, and that she will be hot. They’re never told that they will have to charm a girl, that a connection should be there, or that none of this is guaranteed.  This leaves a lot of men shocked, angry, and hurt when the girl they want doesn’t say yes. Among men, being a singleton still tends to carry a certain stigma with it.

    When men realize the things told to them as kids aren’t really what’s going to happen, it leaves men feeling flummoxed about the dating scene—not to mention seriously bitter about women and society as a whole. One of the people I recently spoke to said it best: “A job is just not enough anymore. Women want more than that. I’m lonely. Why is this so hard?”

    The Pursuer and the Pursued

    On a global level, the change in demographics is starting to alter the way that men and women date. Dating has become increasingly competitive for both men and women. This has led to roles being changed around in ways that others never saw coming.

    With fewer men being able to stand on their own two feet, women have become more aggressive when it comes to getting dates. Things once unheard of, such as a woman proposing to her boyfriend, are becoming increasingly common. Women making the first move? No longer a desperate act, either.

    Men, on the other hand, are working hard to bolster factors of attraction that were traditionally related to women. And, it’s starting to work out well for them. Men are now beginning to hit the gym, dress better, and yes, even get plastic surgery in the US, just so that they can get a date. In most cases, bolstering a man’s looks tends to work out well for them.

    Among both men and women, a wedding ring has become a major status symbol. Women who get married can honestly say they “won” the dating scene. Men who get married? Well, it’s becoming increasingly rare for a multitude of reasons—including a lost faith in love, a lost faith in themselves, and just not making the cut. Simply put, being married shows that you have something going for you in a world that makes it increasingly difficult to have anything at all.

    Blurred lines might be the best lines.

    The blur in what’s expected of both men and women has its perks and pitfalls for both genders. The rigidity we once had in society is gone, and we now have to adapt to it if we are going to actually enjoy life as it is now. Simply put, demographics and change means we can’t force the hands of the clock backwards.

    This isn’t all bad. With more malleability, people now can work to make their own lives better as they see fit without judgment. Women can become more proactive in dating and career life. Men can actually pamper themselves, enjoy more casual sex, live alone, or be “a house spouse” without judgment. Men can be more self-centered and build their lives as they see fit.

    Both men and women are given the social nod to seek out what they want in a partner. Men can have the beautiful wife they want—and women can seek out the handsome hunk they’ve been wanting to lock down. Men can find the career woman that can let them stay at home. Women can also find the man who will be active as a father. It’s a great thing.

    The largest pitfall is that dating is far more complicated than it once was. Whether we want to admit it or not, both genders are getting pickier. There’s not going to be someone for everyone. It will get more competitive in every arena—looks, status, money, and more. The question is, can we handle that, and if so, what will the future look like?  As a result it has become common for men to undergo cosmetic procedures to look good or for job reasons.  There are even Male Plastic Surgery dedicated websites in NYC and LA as Dr. Steinbrech realized this trend about 5 years ago.

    To learn more about men’s aesthetics, check out: or for additional information.


    • Ossiana has been an avid food fan since she was little; because of her ethnic background, her parents often exposed her to more exotic foods than normal. Luckily for her, she was raised "down the shore," where restaurants full of delicious ethnic cuisine are as plentiful as seashells on the local beaches! Although her "regular" scholastic background focuses on the sciences and computing, all her extra time is usually spent finding the perfect meal at or near the Jersey Shore.

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