Dating is supposed to be fun. It is even said to be the gateway to marriage… or at least the stepping stones towards figuring out what you would want or not want in a lifelong partner.
When it comes to dating, it’s hit or miss. Sometimes you strike gold, and more often you just get a rock that appeared to be gold because the lighting happened to shine on it a certain way, giving you a glimpse of hope that will soon disappear. Either way, you’re supposed to take as much as you can out of the experiences, learn to take a genuine interest in someone other than yourself, and make real life decisions not based on just your own well-being.
But let’s face it, at this age, dating is not the easiest extracurricular activity. It actually seems to be more and more complicated as we get older.
It’s a cold world out there and meeting people you mesh with is hard as f&%k. So, why not let your friends set you up? After all, they do know you pretty well, and an insider’s perspective could lead to success. Or not.
Here are a few very solid reasons why I do not recommend letting your friends set you up on dates:
1. Your friends lie to you – with good intentions – but still, they lie.
*Hasn’t washed hair in three days and friends are going out in 20 minutes*
“Ugh, I don’t want to go out anymore. I feel disgusting.”
“UHM…are you kidding? You look so good like that. Guys love wild hair.”
“Are you sure? I feel greasy.”
“Definitely not. You know I would tell you. It looks awesome & I’ll bring dry shampoo just in case. ”
Though they want you to be confident no matter what and feel good about yourself, friends tend to lie to make us feel better. If you’re in a slump and your friend sees that you need a pick me up, they’re likely to send you out with someone who will flirt with you and give you attention – no matter what that person’s actual intentions are. Sure, this will be good for the night, but is this the guy that’s going to call you back to hang out a second time? Probably not.
2. It could backfire quickly and negatively impact your friendship.
In the event that they do happen to set you up with a great guy, that doesn’t necessarily mean that he is the right one for you. This could lead to some major drama if you make your friend look bad by not handling the situation properly. I’ve even had a friend get mad at me because she felt insulted that I didn’t agree with her judgement of the person. Nobody wants to have the, “I guess we don’t know each other as good as we thought we did,” conversation with their bestie, especially over a guy. On the other hand, if he is not so great, that could be even more messier, and wreak a whole lot of havoc on the entire situation.
3. It can get really awkward and seem a bit forced.
The common denominator is usually the friend(s) that set you two up, so is that going to be the icebreaker? Even worse, is that going to be the only thing you guys talk about the whole night? Yikes, I hope not. Sometimes it can be a bit uncomfortable not knowing how much or what kind of information your friend has told the person about you, and vice versa. Even worse, you might both feel like you need to watch what you say because you know you’re both about to give a full report to the same person. At the same time, you don’t want to not be yourself. The struggle can be so real. *Sigh*
4. Sometimes our matchmaker friend gets a bit too involved.
I can’t say I haven’t been on both ends of this. But, I can say that in both cases, it was bad. When one is the matchmaker, it is super easy to get wrapped up in the situation. They want to know every detail, start spying on your dates, doing drive-by’s, texting non-stop to find out your status, gossiping to others, and a whole lot of other nonsense. That false sense of entitlement can be overbearing. You never want it to get to the point where things were actually going great but then your friend intervened a little too much, causing you and/or the other person feel turned off to the situation.
5. You’re not actually ready. You just feel like you need someone.
It’s never fair to play with another person’s emotions or carry any kind of baggage into your next situation. Often, people ask their friends to set them up because they just need some way to justify moving forward after a bad break up. Your friends will naturally want to lend a hand in helping you let go of your last love, but at the same time, maybe you haven’t dated on your own because subconsciously you know it’s not time. This could really mess with the other person and even your own head.
Though I am probably one of the most impatient people there is, I have always found the most success in waiting it out and letting things in life happen as fate aligns. There is no dating rule book or any type of mandatory timeline that says how long you should or shouldn’t be single for. Everyone’s appropriate timing is different.
In the words of one of my favorite 80’s R&B Groups, The S.O.S Band: ‘Take Your Time, Do It Right!’