We live in a time where we must learn to separate the media from the meaningful. Straight up. Wake the f#%k up.
Not so long ago, relationships were private and you only heard through the grapevine who recently got married and who was settling down; now, it’s in your face 24/7, 365 days a year. With that being said, many millennials are finding themselves in relationships that may not actually have a future.
Time has been invested, a way of life has been formed, and suddenly you find yourself in the same safe, boring routine everyday. Is love supposed to get boring? Is love ever supposed to feel like a routine? Your heart may be telling you no, but all your mind sees is person after person getting engaged and planning their weddings all over your newsfeed. Part of you wishes you were doing the same because you want to be that in love, the other part of you wishes you were doing the same because you feel left out.
Imagine that? We are in a time where it’s normal to feel left out of marriage. The result of that feeling? Staying in relationships, knowing that the right thing to do would be leave. The lust is gone, the years have past, but for some reason we hold on just a little bit longer. Why? Because we are afraid of starting over and falling behind everyone else.
Settling down is about falling in love and wanting to spend the rest of your life with that one special person. It shouldn’t be about posting cute engagements photos, hashtagging your wedding or making your Pinterest dreams come true. One day, you will have your fairy tale, but is it worth rushing into just so you’re not last at the finish line of life? As if Social Media wasn’t enough, there’s the never ending questions as to who you’re dating, when you’re getting married, if you live together, so on and so forth. The sense of personal boundaries is gone and it seems as if lines no longer have a “DO NOT CROSS” sign. Everything is everyone’s business (and it should definitely not be). So… how do you sort out your life with everyone trying to sort it out for you?
Perhaps pretend, if you can, that there is no social media. You only speak to your closest friends and family, all else are things of the past. Now think about your significant other. Remember their features; their smile, their eyes, the way they laugh and the way they hold you as you sleep. Think of the first time you spoke to them alone all the way through the first time you made love. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Now think of the rest. Try to recall your first major fight, the first time they hurt your feelings or you hurt theirs. Remember all the little things they do that drive you crazy in a good and bad way. Remember life before them, ponder what life would be like after them.
Once you have settled these thoughts and have returned from memory lane, ask yourself this one question, “Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?” If your answer is yes, then congratulations, you’ve found your soulmate; however, if there is any hesitation or doubt, or if the answer is no, then maybe it’s time to disconnect from the world and reconnect with yourself. Figure out the doubts, figure out the fears. Talk out the issues with the person you love and explain to them how you are scared. Sometimes, doubts appear just because we need to be reassured, but if the doubts remain and you find yourself in a relationship not understanding why you’re in it, it’s time to let go.
Responding to the question, “Why are you with them?” with the simple answer of, “because I love them,” actually isn’t enough. Everyone loves, but you must know why you love them. Do you love them because of the important little things, or do you love them because loving them is easy and convenient? Because loving them is safe? Knowing why you love someone is the most important part of being in love because it’s those reasons that get your through the hardships.
My advice to you is this; don’t fall for the timeline and social media trap. Don’t answer the questions if you’re not ready to, and don’t commit to a lifetime with someone just because everyone else is. Find your person, find your time. Turn off the world and find the love you desire most.
