10) Figuring Out Your Feelings
Do you want them back? Do you truly miss him/her? Do you just not want someone else to have them? Or like most of us, do you just not want to see them happier than you? These feelings are all completely normal. Do not feel like a bad person. It’s okay. We have all been there. It’s time to let the social media hatin’ begin…
9) Comparing Yourself To The Downgrade
Of course, they are a downgrade…I mean, obviously! Here is the part where we skim through every photo and make assessments on their personality based on nothing of substance. We judge them on qualities that we simply cannot see and surely would not be able to tell just from a picture. For instance, “Omg, look at this b*tch hiking…There is no way she is funnier than me!”
8) You Start Scrollin’… and Be Hatin’
For absolutely no good reason, we go on a hunt to try and catch them ridin’ dirty. Anything we can dig up, we will use against them in a drunken text. It’s just so hard not to hate on total strangers that we stalk and know nothing about.
7) You Want To Bump Into Them Live and In-person
Okay, so you have seen enough check-ins across newsfeed, and you are dying for a run-in. After all, there is only so much you can try to get to know about a person from Facebook. What if they don’t share a lot for crying out loud? What are you suppose to do then? This makes you kind of want to meet the new significant other. In your head, in some weird way, you feel if they see you, they too will then become obsessed with your life and how moved on you actually are.
6) Now It’s Time To Get Mad All Over Again
Let the rehashing begin! If your feelings are still hurt, and you feel like you have not gotten any real closure, this phase involves a lot of anger. While he/she is busy having the time of their life on Instagram hashtagging away #relationshipgoals, you are left pissed off because you cannot understand where things went wrong with the two of you.
5) Talk Mad Sh*t
Are you sure you don’t still have feelings? *Side-Eye* from all of your friends. You cannot stop the hate from spewing out like venomous poison. Every conversation you can’t help but bring up something new that you found and can’t wait to address in mixed company. You don’t even realize how foolish you look in front of your peers.
4) Flirt With Anyone
This stage is kind of fun. But you are seriously trying a bit too hard to get over it. Whether Tinder, Match.com, or finally allowing your mother to set you up with someone else’s kid from her job, you are very much in the mood to start dating again. It is time. This is the only way out.
3) Adele on Loop
Only her sad stuff. On repeat. You are a gluten for punishment, an emotional cutter, and the only way to completely get this out of your system once and for all is to listen to the saddest possible ballads on your playlist and cry this one out.
2) Eat, Pray, Change Your Hair
Before the book was written and Julia Roberts got that 10 million dollar pay out to eat endless amounts of pizza, individuals have been on a soul searching quest complete with new hair, a process/style, and possible blunt bangs whenever they’ve come to terms with the split. I know the feeling well. People actually believe a fresh look and an updated profile pic will be the key ingredient for moving forward in your new life- not to mention make the ex jealous that they gave up such a hot commodity! Changes start now.
1) Delete from Your Phone and All Social Media!
This is the most important of all the stalking stages. Why you ask? Because you cannot stalk what you can’t see. Unfriend them, remove their SnapStory, no more follows on IG; this is the final step towards single.
You know it’s true ; )