What’s it all about? Excitement! About something/somebody new? The mysterious unknown? Or racy? Or just fun? Sure, all that. But deep down, at the back of your mind, it’s the search for a soulmate isn’t it? The one that ultimately you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Whew. That’s a tall order. And you want it to last – not one of those summer-storm romances that end in rejection. Here’s an idea – why not use your fun time to practice how to select that mate? Then, one day, when you’re say… in a relationship, you can use what you know to see the future and narrow the choice. I know what you’re going to say – the dating sites already have it wired so your date is “compatible”. And you may even naturally gravitate to someone of a common background. DON’T BUY THAT! They are all missing something. You must have noticed the women’s “Me Too” movement – it’s the tip of the iceberg. Women are demanding empowerment. Women are being empowered as equal partners and are taking equal place with men. A tsunami has hit the boardroom and the bedroom. You’ll soon see the effect on marriage, dating and relating. There’s a new day out there. What’s it all about?
Let me stop here for a minute – I’m a CPA, so my life is numbers. One of my duties is testifying in divorce court about the numbers – assets and income of the marriage. The divorces keep coming – about 50% of marriages fail in the first five years. What’s going on? I gradually saw what was generating divorce. Obviously rejection. What was behind that? You might say infidelity – but that was just a result, not the root cause of rejection. Here’s the scoop. It’s all about the money! (What else did you expect a CPA to tell you? ☺)
Money, assets. wealth, – that’s power. And the power was not being shared in marriages that ended in divorce. Arguments over finances were the tinder that burst into the flames of divorce. That’s changing, The new marriage is a partnership – equal partners having shared control over marital assets and ultimately, all aspects of the marriage. No longer will there be a “Head of Household”. What does that do? Empowers women, but that’s not the real point. The point is shared power strengthens the bond between a couple. Instinctively, they will consult as equals, relying on one another, rejection never enters into it. That is how to bulletproof a marriage!
How do you figure all this out before you tie the knot? You make it a dating game – practice finding out key characteristics about your date, things not on the dating services checklists. Things like:
How is his/her attitude toward an equal partnership? Head of household? (Boo!). Women’s lib? “Me Too”). Then OK, practical aspects, how does your date think a partnership would work? (One recommendation in my book on the subject is a trust for all marital assets, controlled by both of them). As you get to know your date, is he/she open to disclosing assets and income? Any risky aspects in what he/she does? You can think of more – about the shared control of the money. Pretty soon you’ll be savvy on “compatible” prospects.
I wrote a book about the disasters that certain women suffered in divorce court, because they had no control over marital assets. It could all have been resolved with joint control. I wrote checklists for women in each phase of their lives starting with pre-marriage. I entitled it “How Your Husband Screws You in Divorce”. I was wrong. The real title is on the back of the book, ‘How to Bulletproof Your Marriage”. It applies to men as well as women. The checklists for every stage in a person’s life resolve many things that threaten a marriage besides divorce. Things like bankruptcy, IRS levy, litigation award and three more. It’s coming out soon on Amazon, but maybe you shouldn’t read it. Back to front maybe.
Contribution by By John Stirling Kinross, New Theory Contributor