If you are reading this, hopefully, you are sincere in your quest to understand your partner.So you think you’re ready to start dating a trans person.
Before you swipe right, do some research.As a cis individual, make sure you are prepared to make your date comfortable.
Read this guide to start:
#1 Do Not Ask About Their Genitalia
Imagine you go on a date with someone, and their main concern is your genitalia. That would make you a bit uncomfortable.
News flash, trans people feel the same way. If you cannot handle the mystery, you are probably not ready to start dating a trans person.
#2 Ask Before You Touch
If the sexual activity does occur, never assume your date uses the biological terms for their body parts or are comfortable with you touching everything.
A woman who was assigned male at birth and had not had bottom surgery, may not call her genitalia “a penis.”You must know what she calls her body parts before you try to refer to her genitalia or touch it.
Body dysmorphia can make sexual activity more challenging for a trans woman.
You want your date to feel comfortable. Always ask first.
#3 Make Sure You Are Not Fetishizing Her Body
Dating anyone, cis or trans, is about respect.
Make sure you are not just going on a date with a trans woman because you want to have sex with a woman who currently has or once had a penis.This action is insulting and dehumanizing.
If you want to go out with a trans woman, make sure you are genuinely interested in who she is as a person (unless she has made it clear she wants a purely sexual encounter).
#4 Passing is Not the End Goal for Every Trans Individual
It is never a compliment to tell someone“You don’t look trans.”
You may think it would feel nice for an individual to know they are passing, but to assume every individual’s goal is to pass is wrong and frankly problematic.
#5 It’s Not Their Job to Educate You
Words like “tranny” and “transvestite” are considered offensivein the transgender community.While some trans individuals have “reclaimed” these slurs, more often than not, a trans person will be offended if they hear you use one of these terms.
If you aren’t sure, do a quick google search and make sure what you are about to say isn’t offensive.If you aren’t able to whip out your phone, leave it up to your date if they are comfortable answering you a potentially offensive question.
You can always say, “I’m still learning how to be an ally. I’m not sure if this is offensive. Would you be comfortable if I ran it by you?”Give the individual the chance to say “No” if they are worried your question may be triggering.
If they do say no, apologize for your ignorance and let them know you will research on your own time.
#5Challenge Transphobia Even When They Aren’t Around
If you are not comfortable or are not willing to stand up when someone is transphobic, you are probably not ready to start dating a trans person.She needs you to stand up for her and her community even when she is not around.
Taking a stand can be uncomfortable. Do it anyway.If you do not feel like you can confront gender assumptions and transphobia and feel that discomfort, then you cannot adequately support your trans partner.
#5 Remember Your Privilege
Trans women have to constantly worry about their personal safety regarding their gender identity when entering the dating world. Be mindful of this and take extra steps to make sure your date is comfortable.
Understand you have cis privilege, and while you may not understand the extra precautions trans woman take, always respect them. Do your research, be respectful, and be open to learn when you start dating a trans person.
If you don’t feel like you can do all three, you probably have no business trying to date a trans individual.