I’ve been married for a while now, and an interesting thing about tying the knot is it puts things into perspective. In as much as being in a committed, long-term relationship is similar to being married, it’s also very different. Believe it or not, being in a relationship is a lot more life consuming than being married.
Let me explain. Once you say “I do” there’s an immediate change in the relationship. You look at your coupling differently. There’s just something about getting married that makes you a unit rather than an individual. That’s not to say, you lose your identity in any way. The difference is when you are still dating, you are two separate individuals sharing limited time together, and when you are married you do everything together. There is no privacy, no individual decision making, and no more looking out for yourself. Everything gets decided based on what’s best for the couple. Once you are out of the newlywed phase, married couples act a lot more like single friends that aren’t looking for a partner than their coupled off counterparts. It’s really just because you have all that extra time together, you don’t have to squeeze every special moment together that you can. When you’re married you can give each other googly eyes while paying the bills, you don’t have to do it out in public – oh, and you also get to the point where you really want to hang out and talk to other people about things other than your relationship because you are always together! That being said, when you look back at being in a relationship after being married, it’s easy to see how sharing time with a new partner can change how you act.
Unfortunately, it’s the single girls who suffer the most when their besties get a boyfriend. It’s not that they aren’t happy for their coupled off friends. It’s actually quite the opposite. A good friend is always supportive and excited when their friend is happy. It’s that girls in a relationship can do some really annoying things when they go from “me” to “we.” Take it from someone who has gone from single, to relationship, to married. When I look back at my days when I was dating my now husband, I get annoyed with myself! I can’t speak for single guys versus guys in a relationship, but it certainly doesn’t seem like guys change around their friends as much, or at least they don’t talk about it. It’s probably that they don’t talk about it; that seems much more plausible.
If you are single and annoyed, or you are in a relationship and want to avoid becoming annoying, here are some of the things that virtually all coupled off girls do, that irritates their single friends:
- PDA: This is not holding hands on the walk to the restaurant or even a kiss and a hug here and there. This is the kind of uncomfortable hooking up that happens after a few glasses of wine. You go from sitting in your own seat to sitting on his lap, and then, BAM, your tongue is down his throat. Not fun for anyone sitting next to you guys on the couch or basically within hearing distance.
- Never hanging out with your friends anymore: Generally, this is accepted and understood by the single girls in the group, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating. When a girl falls for a guy, it’s natural that her free time goes to him, but it’s also important to remember that your friends miss you. If you can hold out until after the wedding, you’ll get your friend back with a vengeance!
- Constantly trying to set you up with one of her boyfriend’s friends: This is usually prefaced with, “How awesome would it be if you guys got together and we could double date?!” The thing you need to remember when you fall hopelessly in love and think everyone else should be in love too, not everyone wants to be in a relationship just because you’re in one!
- Assuming that an invite includes your guy: A text that says “Dinner and drinks tonight?” doesn’t necessarily mean with your guy – especially if it doesn’t specifically mention him. It’s uncomfortable for him and everyone else if you bring someone along who wasn’t invited!
- The pet names: Pet names are a natural part of a relationship. My husband and I only use our given names when we are in front of other people. You’ve got to keep that stuff on lockdown around others, because it’s just gag inducing.
- When she does finally go out without him, all she does is talk about him: Yes, your guy is an important part of your life and we expect to hear about your relationship, but there’s other stuff going on in the world. The problem is, when you first fall for someone, it’s hard to see beyond your own love bubble.
Single girls, I know it’s hard not to roll your eyes and get irritated at your lovesick friend’s antics, but cut her some slack. It’s going to be you one day, and no matter how many times you say you won’t act the same way – you will!
What do you think are the most annoying couple behaviors? Hey guys, do you get annoyed with your friends when they get in a relationship? Why?