As Valentine’s Day came and went, I couldn’t help but think of how dreadful this Hallmark holiday has become to those that are single in the world. You know, the one’s that aren’t receiving roses on their doorstep or a heartfelt card over a candle-lit dinner. All of that sound’s so wonderful, but at what cost? Is being single really that lonely? I think it’s time we talk about the difference between lonely and alone.
To be completely honest, I was never phased by this commercialized holiday. Even when I was in a relationship, I thought the overpriced roses and candy were a bit ridiculous. To have one day out of the entire year dedicated to the person you love was a little cliche to me, I just didn’t see the point of it all.
As time went on, my marriage turned upside down and next thing I know I’m in the middle of a divorce. At that point, there are nothing but questions of “Now what?” I found myself mildly single for longer than I had imagined. I say “mildly” because I’ve had my usual share of flings and what people like to now label as “f*ckboy’s. It’s been quite some time since I’ve been in a serious relationship which lead me to question: What is it that bothers me more? The fact that I have been (and still am) single, or that I’m genuinely happy without a relationship?
Truthfully, I like being alone. I feel as though one of my greatest accomplishments is my ability to be by myself and be comfortable in my solitude. It gave me the opportunity to really learn and understand who I am and who I can be. I worked hard for that-I earned that. How many people can say they are comfortable with who they are, in their own skin? I think that’s one of my favorite things about myself.
Of course, there are so many things in this world that make the single life a whole lot easier to deal with and my favorite of them all is my friends. I think Charlotte from Sex & the City had it right when she said, “Maybe we can be each other’s soul mates. And then we can let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.” She hit the nail on the head. My friends and I are a match made in heaven.
However, that will never be. Girl’s may run the world but let’s be frank, so does the D.
Don’t get me wrong, there are so many reasons as to why I love being single. For instance, the peace I receive from not having to answer to another person about where I am, where I’m going, or who I’m with. I like my freedom. Despite the new found appreciation for my independence, I also genuinely enjoy the fact that I’m not on a ticking clock to meet major milestones in my life, like marriage or having children (been there, done that). But that doesn’t mean I’m opposed to any of that for the future; I can’t say with certainty that those doors are closed. I know very well that if I met the man who ignited every spark within me, I would run to get my wedding dress and hop back on the baby train. I have to admit it, I’m a huge sucker when it comes to falling in love and I’m smart enough to realize that’s something that will never change.
I also can’t help but mention the pattern I’ve noticed when discussing life in general with friends. One too many times I’ll here about two to three compliments followed by the burning question, “Why are you still single?”, as if I have the end all answer to this. The negative tone in their voice hints that they almost feel sorry for me, like it’s such a terrible, disastrous thing in my life to not have a man by my side. People find it hard to believe that I’m happy on my own and I’m not sure why. My married friends nod their heads sympathetically as if they were consoling me after my puppy ran away. But I guess I can’t blame them for misjudging what they don’t understand.
To be blunt, I don’t see any point in settling and jumping on the first or easiest opportunity that comes my way. I owe it to myself to make sure that I take advantage of all the new things I’ve learned about myself and incorporate that into finding a partner fit for me. I feel as if I deserve a generous amount of passion from the person I choose to spend my life with. This person will not only be my lover but my best friend as well. Will they be perfect? Absolutely not and that’s what I love even more. To fall in love with someone means you learn to love their quirks and still feel that love through all their flaws and ticks.
Some people may feel this is selfish; to take your time to learn who you are and not settle for less than what you deserve, but that’s okay. Everyone views life and love differently. In my eyes, this was the healthiest decision I’ve made for myself and I refuse to settle for anything less than passion.