This Is How I Lost Her and More

    Latest by Felix Ochieng, New Theory poetry contributor

    this is how i lost her

    I lost her when I stopped caring. My heart went numb. Her feelings and wellbeing were never a priority to me. I was insensitive. She held on, but at some point, she had to let go.

    I lost her when I shut her out. She was never welcome in my world. I lost her when I convinced myself that I never needed her. That her presence in my world was threatening to my ego as a man.

    I lost her when I stopped holding her hand. When I left her all alone for the world to do their worst. I lost her when I stopped being there for her. When her needs weren’t as important to me.

    I lost her when I tore her heart open. When I broke it into tiny bits. I hurt her. I lost her when I watched our love burn to the ground but did nothing.

    I lost her when I lied. When I played catch with her heart. When I played a game that was never worth it. I lost her when I lied well enough to convince myself that that was truth. But to her, I was an open book.

    I lost her when apologies were heavy to my tongue.

    I knew I lost her when her eyes closed. When her voice shook. I knew I lost her when her words burnt me from the inside out.

    I lost her when I forgot her laughter. When I couldn’t remember the last time she laughed and caught her breath. I lost her when I couldn’t remember how beautiful she looked whenever she did so. I lost her when she lost her smile. When her pain overwhelmed her joy.

    I lost her when she wished I didn’t try so hard. When she told me that I should’ve been myself with her. I lost her when she had no more words for me.

    I lost her when I forgot to make her laugh. When failed to remind her every day of how much she means to me. I lost her when I stopped doing the little things that made her feel special, what she deserves.

    I lost her when I forgot the taste of her lips, how they felt. When she no longer recognized mine. I lost her When my touch was cold to her, foreign.

    I lost her when I stopped speaking from my heart. When I lost sense of what love is all about.

    I lost her when she told me she couldn’t fight all by herself. I lost her when she told me how hurt and tired she was. I lost her when she shed a tear for me.

    I knew i lost her when she said goodbye.

    Open your heart to love

    Open your heart to love. Give in to the tiny skips of your heart. Give in to the desires of your heart.

    Open your heart to love. Like the wind, let it sweep you off your feet. Feel it on your face, its gentle kiss. Feel it rush through your veins. Feel its warmth, its genuine nature.

    Open the gates of your heart. Let it flood with love. Let it find nourishment in its lushness. In its beauty, let your heart find happiness.

    Open your heart to love. In its joy, may your days always shine brighter than the light of the day. In its joy, may you know no sadness.

    Open your heart to love. Its peace, let it find satisfaction, a home.

    Open your heart to love. Let it set your heart on fire. Let your fire never burn out. Let it grow every day, bigger and stronger with time.

    Open your heart. Let it keep you young as time ages. Let the beauty of its memories take you back in time. Let your heart relieve the moments like it was just the other day.

    Open your heart. Let love be the fire that warms you in the cold nights of winter. Let it be the cool breeze that you long for in summer.

    Let your heart skip to the beat of another. May love be the music on your lips. May its familiar test linger on your lips day by day. May your lips never seize singing this beautiful song.

    May your heart worry less. May it worry not about what comes, that which life brings forth.

    May your heart find peace in the storms of another. Let it learn to ride the storms. May it learn to listen to the silence the heart speaks.

    May your heart be your guide. Its path, may it always be lit with love and trust.

    May your heart never tire. May your heart find strength in another.

    Open your heart to love. May you love like you never hurt.

    bad girl fever

    Her lips, red in appearance, I wanted to taste them even before I could have the chance. once my lips covered hers, there was nothing else to think about. They were tender, tasted like strawberries.  The taste of her lips still linger on mine like it was just a moment ago that I kissed her.

    Her body, I remember the curves of it like my eyes had taken a snapshot of every corner of it. Of every edge.

    Her eyes were unlike anything I’d ever seen. Deep blue, just like the ocean, so beautiful, I couldn’t help but stare. I never blinked, not for a second. Seductive, is what they were. Their beauty beaconing for me. For me to admire.

    Her smile. It made my dear heart skip a beat. I was ready to hold it in case it broke out of its cavity. Short of breath is what her smile made me. She took my breath away. She took it all away without second thoughts.

    Her words, they ring in my ear, in the soft whisper of her gracious voice. She spoke dirty but with a hint of innocence in her. The beauty of her mind blew mine in ways I never thought possible.

    She was dirty and innocent at the same time. How could this be?

    She stood from her seat beside me.

    I guess my time was running out.

    Her steps, small and light. I guess she cares for God’s creation that much.

    I had to snap out of my hypnosis.

    ‘‘Miss’’, I called out as I left the bar.

    She turned slowly, throwing her hair back.

    I was lost for words. I couldn’t help but stare blankly at this young lady whose beauty I can never have enough words to describe.

    All she did was smile and walk away.

    Till date, I go to the same bar hopping to see her again.

    Bad girl fever, I guess is what I have.

    Part of the New Theory poetry series.


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