This Halloween Funny Is The New Sexy

    I’m so over the constant battle of funny vs. sexy, always pinning the Amy Schumer’s of the world up against the Kate Upton’s (as joked in Schumer’s most recent, successful HBO Comedy Special). Yes, sexy is more than just one’s looks- more than fitting the “traditional”, yet exotic (unrealistic) standards of allure- it is an attitude- and oftentimes associated with confidence. Although with a little stroking of the ego, bronzer, false lashes, and a push-up- anyone can achieve the requirements of “sexy”.

    Funny however, comes from within- buried deep down inside and simply cannot be created from a beauty supply aisle at the supermarket. It is a magnetic force attracting from all four corners of the universe. So what exactly is the constant comparison?

    I have always been the funny girl. It took me a very long time to accept that as my identifier and be proud of it. As a an adolescent young girl, I couldn’t quite figure out why I was never labeled “sexy”, or why I was the girl with a million dude friends but no boyfriends. The compliments were always the same, “Omg, Jess you’re so funny!” And don’t get me wrong…I eat that shit up too, but why did guys always want to be around me, yet were blind to my feminine attributes?

    Look, I get it. I’m no Sophia Vergara, but I’m no mutant at table 9 either (Throwback Wedding Singer reference). I couldn’t comprehend why guys were contributing to me seeing myself as one way or the other. Are you funny? Or are you sexy? Which is it?

    Halloween provides yet another opportunity for a woman to make this decision and analyze exactly who she is and who she wants to be. What kind of attention is truly valued?

    Slutty cop? You have the right to remain sexy.

    Does the nurse fantasy rev your engine?

    Or the ironic, scantily clad nun?  How dirty…

     Provocative seemed to be the only inevitable choice a woman has to pick from.

    When a gal hits a certain age and makes that leap to be original- it still comes across desperate when attempting to pick the most obscure thing to spin their own sexy version. Enter “Sexy Jellyfish…” You got to be kidding me with this crap?

    Usually this pursuit is to show people that you have “a brain” too. A real creative thinker… Fail. At least in recent years we have been acknowledging the ridiculousness of it all, so I guess that’s progress.

    From a young age we are taught that a girl is one or the other. Clearly, this confuses us well into our mid-life especially this one night of the year. The idea that a woman has to make that choice in order to be attractive or funny is absurd! I know what you are going to say next… There are plenty of guys that want the funny girl- tons of guys are way deeper than I am giving them credit for… I’m sorry but the jury is still out on that one.

    I could throw out all the adages about how beauty comes from within, or beauty fades, a beautiful soul is forever, yada, yada, yada. Tale as old as time. What’s the use?

    For me it is more about the discussion- shifting the way we think rather than challenging the system or putting some potentially insecure females on blast for their visual displays to fulfill a Halloween’s sexualized obligation. This isn’t exactly meant to do that. My theories can be proven or disproven- no argument there, as I am only preaching from my own life experience. I merely want to give a shout out to my funny chicks for being true to themselves on the one night of the year you’re allowed to dress up as anyone else you want to be and have fun!

    Despite my quest to decide what costume is right for me, I already know one thing- I’m going as sexy. Because NEWS FLASH- Funny is the new sexy this Halloween. So while all you ladies freeze your buns off in some fishnets and a corset, I’ll be discreet as the inflatable T-rex from Jurassic World.