Tigg’ole Biddy Problems.
You’re in this adorable little town filled with boutiques. As you’re losing yourself in window shopping heaven, you notice a sun dress hanging in the window and you instantly fall in love.
How have you ever survived life without this beautiful piece of clothing?!
You grab your size off the rack and strip down as fast as you can imagining how awesome this is going to look on. You finally turn around, look in the mirror and….
ARE YOU SERIOUS?! AGAIN?!
That’s right….You look like a dirty pirate hooker.
Yes, for those of us ladies who were born with big ole’ tatas, this is the unfortunate story of our lives.
Now, for those of us who had no choice in matter, we have extremely mixed feelings about our lovely lady lumps.
Don’t get me wrong, they’re awesome when you’re trying to fill out a dress and turn up the sex appeal. However, the other 95% of the time you’re probably just crying.
Here are the 8 Struggles Women With Big Boobs Know All Too Well.
1. You Have Cleavage… IN EVERYTHING.
I still don’t understand how it’s possible to have cleavage in a turtle neck, but it happens..
There is no such thing as showing just a little skin because even if that’s how it starts out, the girls always sneak out. It’s not that our shirts don’t fit us, it’s that they enjoy making our lives a living hell.
This is why conversations are so difficult sometimes…
2. Flowy Shirts Are A Nightmare.
Seriously, a nightmare. Why you ask? Because you instantly look preggo.
Yep, put on a long shirt that flows out nicely and it looks like you’re trying to hide the fact the you’re in your second trimester.
Your chest being so big pushes out the shirt so far that you can’t help but to look 20lbs heavier instantly.
If you happen to find a shirt that doesn’t give you this appearance, you buy it in every color known to man.
And 5 of them in black.
3. You Can’t Look Innocent. EVER.
You know those really cute shirts that look absolutely perfect on girls with smaller chests? Don’t even think about it.
Even wearing a shirt that’s high in the front with shorts makes you look like you’re asking for it. So you have two options; cover up and look like a nun that’s about to burst out of her habit, or rock the prostitute look.
I honestly, don’t know which is worse at this point…
4. Going Bra-Less… Well..
5. Bandeaus. LOL.
If they don’t have underwire, chances are they’re not going to do what they’re supposed to do. You’re going to have to wear a bra under the bandeau so you don’t look like you have floppy jaloppies.
The whole backless shirt, just put a bandeau on- idea is a no go.
6. Strapless Bras… Good Luck.
If anyone out there finds a strapless bra that actually stays up, PLEASE, let a girl know.
Wearing a strapless bra is a guaranteed night of pulling, tucking, lifting and under-boob impaling.
Some of you brave women have tried the duct tape under the boobs trick… I admire your efforts, but I also admire not having to get a skin graft….
7. The Backaches Are Insane And Unavoidable
They never go away. Sit straight, lay down, roll over. Bra on, Bra off… you will forever have a back ache.
No matter how good your bra claims to be, it doesn’t come with a crane so it’s not going to do the trick. Unless you want to wear a grandma bra, you’re not getting any help.
Grandma bra, that’ll get him going…..
8. Any Bra That Can Actually Support You Is Going To Be Just Flat Out Ugly.
They don’t make cute bras or bathing suits for big chested women. If they do, they’re going to cost the same amount as just going and getting those bad boys permanently lifted. A pretty bra that does it’s job will literally run you $80.00 and up.
Have you seen my college loans?!
You want to know why I don’t have matching bra and underpants sets? Call Salle Mae and take it up with them.
I’ve already checked.. they don’t offer loan forgiveness for this kind of thing…
Being born with tigg’ole biddies is a gift and a curse.
On one side, we don’t have to pay for them. On the other side, we pay for them for the rest of our lives….
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