Being ‘one of the guys‘ is not as easy as you think. Take it from a long-time veteran of this role, sometimes it’s a f#%king struggle. What does it mean when you say a girl is one of the guys? It is a female that exhibits qualities typically found in one of dudes.
I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a tomboy, but I am also not a girly girl. I’ve been told that I am the perfect combination of these two features. Most people would say that this is a rare gift to earth and to those people I say, you do not have any idea what struggles come with being “the homie”.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I take pride in being the girl all my guy friends invite everywhere, call for advice or just to talk to, speak highly of, etc. – But, occasionally my position pisses me off. Here’s why:
1. Your guy friends become BEYOND protective of you, ultimately making it hard for you to date.
Wait, listen. Before you tell me that I am ungrateful, hear me out. Yes, it’s amazing how much my guy friends big me up, watch over me, care about me, etc.; However, sometimes I find that they get really f#&king jealous when new guys talk to me. I get it, you don’t wanna share me, but dude, we’re not sleeping together and I’m not gonna be single forever – even though I have been on a single streak for quite some time – (but, that’s not the point).
Other times, I find that they get very suspicious of any guy who tries to kick it to me. They assume anyone with a penis just wants to get in my pants- the barista at Starbucks, the guy on the Path train who gives up his seat for me, any random guy who holds the door open for me; I am not exaggerating, they go way overboard sometimes. I’ve had a few really nice guys get scared away 4 sentences into a general conversation because my guy friends act like they are my crazy brothers and freak them the f#%k out.
You’re also not allowed to look ‘too hot’ when you’re going out, unless you want a permanent team of security guards all night. Annoying.
LET ME LIVE! I can handle myself. I promise to call for backup when needed.
2. Girls will not like you, without even knowing you.
Expect a lot of rumors and unfair/unwarranted assumptions. If you are ‘one of the guys’, there are bound to be a lot of haters who want to be in your position – especially the chicks that want to get with or date your guy friends. *Insert Eye Roll*
Listen, girls – If I am best friends with your crush, you’re better off getting on my good side rather than be nasty to or about me. Trust me when I say, they are going to listen to my opinion before they even consider the thought of getting involved with you on any level. No lie – my opinion is about as important as that of their mother. 90% of the time, you don’t get past a one night stand, if even that, without my approval.
That’s just how it goes. Sorry, but not actually sorry.
3. You become a therapist and then a superhero. But, it gets way too redundant.
There will be a ton of times you find yourself saying, “I told you so!” and “Why did you ask me for my opinion and not take it? AGAIN!!” That just comes with the territory. I can’t even tell you how many times my guy friends ask me for my advice because they value my opinion, and then do the exact opposite of what I say. Then, guess who is the first one to get the phone call when they need saving… Yup, me.
It’s awesome being the one who is capable of playing superhero, but it does get frustrating to see your friends learn the hard way so many times. And, I won’t lie, it gets annoying as f#&k when you’re in the middle of something and you have to stop what you are doing to go save them from a situation you already told them how to avoid.
Whatever. Guys will be guys. It’s part of the job description, I suppose.
4. Sometimes, you accidentally slip up and hook up.
Drunk moments happen. Luckily for me, I rarely drink and I am one of those people pretty in control of myself at all times. But, I won’t say it has NEVER happened. It happens sober too. You and your guy bestie love each other – but, you generally don’t look at each other like that. The worst part about this is, that if it DOES happen, you better hope neither of your feelings slide from fam-love to love-love. *Cue the movie ‘Just Friends”*
If you do end up hooking up with one of your best guys friends, just be cool. No need for awkwardness. Laugh it off and move forward. There’s absolutely no need to have any sort of ‘talk’ about it afterwards.
Keep it moving. He needs his BFF for life support. Don’t be a weirdo.
5. You know way too much.
It’s a great feeling to be trusted and be able to trust, but sometimes when you are on the inside a lot more then you need to know is shared. Example: if one of your guy besties starts dating one of your female besties, and they both start confiding in you, you become the crypt keeper of all secrets. Dangerous.
There’s a lot I want to and love to know, but I never want to be in the middle of anything. I am not a rope and refuse to be the subject of best friend tug-o-war. If I know too much and don’t tell I feel disloyal. But if I do tell, I am even more disloyal. UGH. What’s a girl to do?
No thanks! Don’t get me involved in this situation, please.
So, there you have it. It’s a great role but not nearly as glamorous as people think. Being ‘one of the guys’ is A LOT to handle. You have to have thick skin and an extremely unbiased perspective.
If ya’ can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. For real.