I Got 99 Problems; And They’re All on the Way to Work

    *Gets in car to drive to work…*

    1. Okay, I’m not going to be late for once. The sun is shining, it’s almost Friday, this is good!
    2. OHHHHHH Sh*t! This is My Jam!!
    3. Seriously… more f*cking construction? It’s a ramp, what could you be fixi-
    4. OHHHH COME ONNNN. What’s with the hold up?!
    5. Welp, there goes being f*cking early.
    6. I have to merge, let me merge.
    7. WHY WON’T YOU LET ME F*CKING MERGE YOU ASSH*LE.
    8. THANK YOU. Jesus….
    9. OH OK. Now you’re gonna ride my ass?
    10. BREAK CHECK
    11. That’s right moron, back the f*ck up…
    12. Okay, just have to get to the left lane…
    13. Do you not see my f*cking turn signal?! Why are you being such a d*ck?!
    14. Fine. If you won’t let me over, I’ll make you.
    15. HA HA MOTHER F*CKERRRR
    16. Yeah that’s right, See ya Later.
    17. Okay, this is good. We look pretty clear.
    18. Sh*t.. is it raining?
    19. IT IS RAINING. It was just sunny out!!
    20. No. No. NOOOO. WHY ARE YOU BREAKING?!
    21. DO YOU KNOW THAT RAIN CAN’T HURT YOUR CAR.
    22. REALLY? 45mph? It’s the God Damn HIGHWAY.
    23. Speed limit is 65 Sh*t head.
    24. Yeahhhhh, that’s right, move over.
    25. Okay, clear lane, this is good….
    26. What the- why is this guy riding my ass now?
    27. WHY ARE YOU RIDING MY ASS?!
    28. IS 70 REALLY NOT FAST ENOUGH FOR YOU?! IT’S RAINING OUT FOR GOD’S SAKE.
    29. Fine, I’ll get out of your way you piece of sh*t.
    30. GOOD LUCK GETTING OUT OF THAT TICKET, ASS WIPE.
    31. F*ckin’ asshole…
    32. Okay, still have time. If everything stays clear….
    33. Why are we slowing down?
    34. Oh no.
    35. ARE YOU F*CKING SERIOUS?!
    36. WHERE DID THIS TRAFFIC COME FROM.
    37. I don’t have time for this…. I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THISSSSSSS
    38. STFU Rihanna, I don’t have time for your bullsh*t either.
    39. Come on, come on, come on…. just move.
    40. Right lane is moving, got to get to the right…
    41. Oops, sorry dude.
    42. Okay, this is a little better…
    43. NOW THE LEFT LANE IS MOVING?!
    44. Of course it is, because I f*cking moved over…
    45. Okay, get back to the left. Actually, maybe if I just stay in the middle…
    46. Okay, We’re good…
    47. Why are we only going 25 mph?!
    48. I SWEAR TO GOD!!!!! Someone better be f*cking Dead.
    49. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean that. BUT COME ON
    50. Okay, 40 mph, we’re getting there.
    51. Move.
    52. DUDE. MOVE.
    53. WHY ARE YOU LEAVING 5000 FEET IN FRONT OF YOU?! PEOPLE ARE GOING TO CUT YOU OFF.
    54. Juuuuusst like that. Assh*le.
    55. WAY TO F*CKING GO.
    56. I gotta get out of this lane.
    57. Are you f*cking 97 or stupid.
    58. Ohhhhhhhh. You’re f*cking texting. You bitch
    59. GETT OFF YOU PHONE AND DRIVEEEEE
    60. JESUS.
    61. Okay.. People gotta move. Let’s go..
    62. F*ck! Is that really the time?!
    63. How does this always happen?!
    64. I swear I could leave at 3 a.m. and I’d still be late.
    65. WHY ARE WE STILL NOT MOVING?!
    66. Oh, I think I see something…
    67. What is that?
    68. …..a flat…
    69. A FUCKING FLAT?!
    70. THAT’S WHAT ALL YOU ASSH*LES ARE SLOWING DOWN TO LOOK AT?!
    71. I HATE YOU ALL.
    72. DIE. EVERYONE DIE.
    73. Okay, let’s go….
    74. ARE YOU F*CKING JOKING
    75. HOW THE F*CK ARE YOU GOING TO CUT ME OFF LIKE THAT.
    76. YEAH I’M BEEPING AT YOU!
    77. Ohhhhhh. You’re gonna give me the finger.
    78. IF WE WEREN’T ON THE HIGHWAY AND I WASN’T LATE TO WORK I WOULD GET OUT OF THIS CAR AND MURDER YOUUUUU!!!!
    79. …This is probably why my mother never let me have a bat in the car.
    80. FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY… MOVEEEEEEEE
    81. F*ck that’s my exit!
    82. Sorry! Excuse me! Oh Sh*t, my bad.
    83. Thank God
    84. ANNNNDDD, I’m going to be late, AGAIN.
    85. I’m getting fired. I just drove through all the sh*t and I’m going to get fired.
    86. OF COURSE! Why wouldn’t I hit every red light..
    87. AND I STILL HAVEN’T HAD COFFEE.
    88. I’m quitting.
    89. Today’s the day I quit my job.
    90. TODAY’S THE DAYYYY I SWEAR TO CHRIST.
    91. Oh my god, there’s a school bus in front of me.
    92. EVERY CORNER?!
    93. I use to have to chase the f*cking bus, now they stop in front of every house?!
    94. I swear, these f*ckig kids today..
    95. LET’S GOOOOOO
    96. Dude, If you’re gonna ride my ass, at least buy me dinner first..
    97. GET OFF MY ASS. I CAN’T GO ANYWHERE.
    98. God give me strength..
    99. I don’t get paid enough to deal with this sh*t…..200-20

     

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