I have a love-hate relationship with the gym.
I love my actual gym; I just hate 90% of the people who go there. Okay, maybe hate is a strong word, but I seriously do not understand them.
People do the most outlandish, disgusting and annoying things every single day when it comes to their workouts. I just can’t figure out if it’s laziness or the fact that people really don’t have shame anymore.
Listen, I’m not trying to be a ball buster, but if we all have to use this place can you please try not being an asshole and just put sh*t back.
Cut it out.
Stop leaving weight on the squat rack.
You put it on there; you really can’t put it back? You’re not the only one on ‘mission build a booty’, okay? I don’t want to be on ‘mission get a hernia’ trying to get your obnoxious amount of weight off the damn bar.
I’m weak. I know this. But you don’t have to add insult to injury by reminding me I can’t remove the 150lbs off each side just to do a few reps.
Stop walking away from your machine without wiping it off.
What on God’s green earth makes you think this is okay?! You’re literally f*cking dripping from places I didn’t even know you could sweat from.
Yes, I want to use the quad machine.
NO, I don’t want to sit in your puddle ‘o ass sweat. Wipe the thing and move on.
Oh, you’re not sweaty? I DON’T CARE. Your touching every part of yourself and your phone- yeah, your phone has germs. If you wipe the machine when your done, then I can wipe it when I’m done, and we can start the circle of cleanliness. Do you understand?
CIRCLE OF CLEANLINESS, PEOPLE.
Stop Killin’ My Vibe
There are literally 34 other f*cking treadmills in this f*cking gym and youuuuuu have to get on the one right next to me.
Let me guess. You were the kid they had to talk to in second grade about personal space? Clearly it didn’t work.
You being so close is creepy and annoying. Are you just being nosey? Are you going to actually try to talk to me?!
Remove Yourself From My Presence, You Monster!
Don’t correct me to be an assh*le.
Listen, I’m not the most gym- inclined person. I appreciate when someone lends a helping hand in putting on an attachment that may be difficult or getting something I can’t reach. Really, it’s sweet.
HOWEVER.
Do NOT come over to me while I’m at the free weights and tell me I’m lifting my dumbbell wrong. IT’S 5LBS. I DO WHAT I WANT.
You’re being obnoxious. Either you’re a self-absorbed jerk, or you’re trying to hit on me. Either way, leave.
If I want to risk dropping a weight on my face because I think it will rid some of my love handles, don’t tell me I’m doing it wrong.
Texting on the Machine
Why are you sitting on the machine I want to use doing nothing but texting your BFF about Becky?
MOVE.
You’re rude and inconsiderate and wasting everyone’s time. Did you miss the sign that said no phone calls or texting on the gym floor? You’ve been there for 5 minutes! If it’s that urgent, leave! Go play in traffic or something… I don’t care!
Just get off my machine!
Machine Stalking
Yes, I know you want to use this to get a wonderful six pack, but you standing so close to me that I can feel you breathing is not going to make me move any faster.
Why must you hang so close to the machine I’m on? I can’t handle this kind of pressure!
And now I’m profusely sweating…..not because of my work out, but because you’re literally staring at me like I ruined your entire circuit by getting on this machine you weren’t using.
No one is going to cut you. You’ll get your turn. If you get so close that I lose count, I’m going to have to start all over, and you’re going to have to wait longer. See how that works?
Check yourselves before you wreck yourselves, people.
