Blaming it on the goose — we’ve all been there, done that, haven’t we? While sometimes it’s totally acceptable to hold alcohol accountable for your actions (hello, it was the tequila talking, not me!), there’s also some scenarios where you just literally can’t even use that excuse. Just trust us on this one.
If you’re stuck wondering whether it was the Fireball’s fault, or if this f*ck-up was all you, there’s only one way to find out…
Here are 8 times when the excuse “I was drunk” totally counts… and when it sh*t sure doesn’t:
When it soooo does…
1. When you eat a stranger’s chicken fingers.
Attention: When drunk, you are absolutely not held accountable for what you eat. Whether you’re ruining your diet, or eating a stranger’s chicken fingers that they left behind, you have the green light to go, go, go! Drunk you deserves to indulge. Treat yo self.
2. When you bust out some really bad dance moves.
While drunk, I have this go-to dance move that I’m fully aware is anything but a good look. Still, I go for it every time. Why? Because I’m just having some innocent fun and can’t nobody tell me nothin’! #DanceLikeNoOnesWatching… even when they allll are.
3. When you send a risky text.
If drunk texting was a crime, I’d for sure be sentenced to life in prison. Truthfully, sometimes I even send risky texts while sober, and if they don’t go over well, I’ll just blame it on the goose even if I had none. Works every time.
4. When you hook up with someone questionable.
All I’m saying is, beer goggles are REAL. And they are DANGEROUS.
When it definitely doesn’t…
5. When you cheat.
While it’s A-OK to hook up with that person you thought was a cutie while drunk who’s actually coyote ugly while sober, do not do so if you are not single! Being drunk does not give you an excuse to slip and fall into someone else’s pants. Get it together.
6. When you talk sh*t/start a fight.
Be a lover not a fighter. Happy drunks are always welcomed… angry ones, not so much. Plus, they do say that drunk words speak sober thoughts, so just know that sh*t might get you in trouble later on. If you don’t have anything nice to say, just keep drinking — you can’t talk when your mouth is full!
7. When you crash your car.
DON’T DRIVE DRUNK. PERIOD. DONE. END OF STORY. UBER EVERYWHERE. BYE.
8. When you puke on your friends.
Throwing up isn’t the nicest thing to do, but hey, sh*t happens sometimes, especially when you’re drunk. If you’ve got to puke, by all means, let it out. Just be courteous of where you do so. There’s really no excuse for blowing chunks all over your bestie’s fresh blowout.
And as always, remember: drink responsibly. CHEERS!