Have you ever watched one of your friends get into a relationship and wondered just what it is they see in their girlfriend? What’s interesting is that almost all of us have seen that. What that shows is that this is something that can happen to any of us except that we are often too infatuated and self-absorbed to notice it in ourselves. It’s easier for a third party to notice it.
Not everyone is lucky enough to find the person they truly love and are compatible with on the first try. The overwhelming majority of people will have to go through at least one break-up (if you break up with a girlfriend and think that was a mistake, click here for tips on how to get back with her).
Dropping a girlfriend who isn’t right for you isn’t easy, but is necessary to avoid wasting each other’s time. Here are some of the most important signs that you need to call it quits with her.
1) She Despises Your Friends and Family
When two people fall in love, they’ll often feel that the negative opinions of anyone else around them doesn’t really matter. The rationale is that if they do eventually get married, it’ll be the two of them who’ll be living together and therefore it’s their feelings for one another that truly matter. Yet, this is only partly true.
Few things can be more distressing in a relationship than a partner who constantly antagonizes your family and friends. Some will go as far as manipulating you into not wanting to interact with your loved ones. Any relationship that cuts you off from the people who’ve stood by you your entire life is dangerous and has to go.
If your parents, siblings or best friends tell you they hate your girlfriend, it’s time to pause and evaluate whether it’s all worth it.
2) You Aren’t Yourself When You Are with Her
It’s awful to watch a friend’s behavior change dramatically right after they get a new girlfriend. Changing for the better is great, but ‘better’ can be ambiguous and subject to varied interpretation. Withdrawing from fairly harmless activities that you once treasured is a red flag.
Toxic girlfriends can turn a funny, loud and carefree individual into a boring, withdrawn and quiet one in a matter of weeks. It isn’t unusual for all of us to behave differently when in different social circles. However, you have to look out for certain warning signs.
Does she energize or depress you? Do you feel you have to behave differently when around her? Are you as excited around her as you are around your close friends? Does she regularly urge you to stop behaving in a certain way because you are embarrassing her? Do you heave a sigh of relief when you aren’t around her?
If your answer is yes to all or most of these questions, flee from her.
3) She Doesn’t Support Your Goals
We often greatly underestimate how fundamental to our life goals the persons we associate with are. If the people you interact with the most are lazy, disorganized, unambitious and pessimistic, you are unlikely to turn out any different from them.
Your girlfriend is a person you could be spending the rest of your life with. If your partner does not believe in and respect your most valuable and audacious life goals, they’re making you a weaker person and not a stronger one. Couples who are successful in life are those who support each other’s goals and relentlessly pursue new achievements.
If you are doing a stellar job at setting ambitious goals, but all she does is trivialize them and put you down, run away. The biggest goals require sacrifice. You’ll have to work longer hours some days and occasionally travel to a different city, state or country for a few days. You can’t achieve greatness if your inner circle isn’t 100% behind you.
4) She’s Rudderless and has No Goals
We’ve all heard that opposites attract, but that is rarely true. Often, persons with very contrasting personalities will find it difficult to live with one another. It’s not a coincidence that ambitious people often marry almost equally ambitious people. If your girlfriend doesn’t have any big goals and is happy to just drift through life, you want to break off that relationship at the earliest opportunity.
People who don’t have goals are a drag on their circle of friends. Worse still, unambitious persons tend to be insecure, lack confidence and may even discourage you from aggressively chasing after what you want. Early in the relationship and before you commit to one another, take time to understand what she lives for and hopes to achieve in life. If you don’t perceive a clarity of purpose and depth of ambition, she’s not the one for you.
5) She has Terrible Money Habits
Financial problems is one of the top reasons couples end up getting divorced. You could be ambitious, have incredible goals and be endowed with all that you need to succeed. It will all come to naught if your partner lacks financial literacy and doesn’t mind spending your money with reckless abandon.
It’s perfectly alright if she wants to enjoy dinner at a classy restaurant once in a while or occasionally fly to an exotic location on vacation. However, if she’s expecting to live the extravagant life all year long, you two are going to have a big problem. You want a girlfriend who is realistic and understands we cannot have the nicest things in life every time.
Unless you are fortunate to be bequeathed a fortune by a wealthy relative, the journey to financial security is guided by discipline. A woman who expects you to spend everything to satisfy vain pursuits will likely leave you at the first sign of financial problems. Don’t tolerate bad money habits.
While these signs will help you measure the wellbeing of your relationship, do not to be dogmatic. In particular, you shouldn’t look at any one sign in isolation. As human beings, every one of us has flaws. These flaws do not necessarily make you a bad person. Ultimately you have to weigh the strengths of your partner against their weaknesses in order to determine whether they’re someone you’d be happy living with for the rest of your life.