Long gone are the days of “We were strangers in the night, exchanging glances…” – technology has replaced social and organic chance meetings with winks, pokes, flirts and strategic digital matching systems. Convenient yes, but now you only get mere moments to impress potential partners before you are swiped to the left and blocked for good. Whatever your poison…Match, eHarmony, Bumble, Tinder or another relationship generator from the ever growing online dating menu, your appearance, wit and banter will make or break you in less than one second flat. So we decided to ask 50 men and women across the country, what turns them off the most about your profile. Get ready to hit your edit button (you didn’t get it right… we promise). Below is our list of top online dating fails to stop doing now!
Tinder Don’ts, Bumble Blunders, Match Mayhem
Whether you’re looking for a quick hook up or for a long term relationship, these are the top Don’ts of online dating. Doing any of the below will almost guaranteed to get you a left swipe.
Women:
“Shouldn’t you be driving your car, rather than taking up-the nose selfies and posting them to your profile? PS – you have a BAT IN THE CAVE!” – Jessa, 30
“Bathroom photos should be blocked entirely from the online dating-sphere. Filthy mirror? Check. Toilet seat up in the back? Check. I see you use Old Spice and Crest toothpaste. Check. Were you even in the photo? I missed that looking at the filth in your mis-fired mirror selfie.” – Hilary, 22
“Lions and tigers and bears – OH NO! If I want to see you with animals, I will ask to go to the zoo for our first date. You look like a tool petting that tranquilized cat.” – Josie, 25
“Men who pose with cars (especially NOT their own) are covering up for what we cannot see in the photo. Sorry…the truth hurts.” – Jenn, 28
“For the love of all things good in this world – STOP posting photos of you doing push-ups over your iPhone, flexing in the gym mirror and posing sweaty in the locker room après workout with your towel way too low. Just click “working out” as a hobby. We will get the picture” – Madison, 35
“This might sound like the biggest contradiction in the world, because I have taken photos like this…but there is something about a man posing for a sexy selfie on his pillow, in his bed that, gives me INSOMNIA (and indigestion).”– Paige, 40
“I once came across a man who posted 11 photos…they were all of him in a public bathroom wearing a variety of fluorescent ‘banana hammocks’…he was even wearing a backpack in one. He didn’t get a date, but I did forward all 11 pics to my entire contact list.” – Julie, 30
Men:
“If it looks like a duck. It’s a duck.” – Ralph, 30
“You post images of yourself half naked and in some cases almost completely naked. Then you get angry with me when I respond in a sexual manner. You wonder why I don’t respect you? REALLY? I might be a nice guy, but I am still a man.” – John, 31
“I would love to say you are pretty, but I cannot see your actual face through all that war paint.” – Sean, 24
“In the fine words of Ross Geller from Friends – “you rambled on for 18 pages – FRONT AND BACK”. I fell asleep reading your War and Peace novel of a profile.” – Andrew, 35
“Your cats are really cute. NOT.”– Max, 30
“Do I get to date ALL 20 of you in the photos you posted? I can’t tell which one is you, but I’m ok with the polygamy thing.” – Charles, 22
Stop asking me my height and my salary. The next time you do, I am asking you your weight and bust/waist/ hip measurement. Yeah – I thought so…” – Ethan, 29
Image credits: Pinterest.com
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Thomas F. La Vecchia
haha this is great!
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