Let me start by saying; I was a Pokè Master. I watched the very first episode of the show, know the first 150 are the best among all Pokèmon, and I killed it at Pokèmon Snap & Stadium. When Pokèmon Go was first announced, I’ll even admit I was intrigued, but the way this has blown up is a serious problem.
Before you get your Pokè Balls in a twist, let me explain.
There’s nothing like a little nostalgia to get the memories flowing, but people are taking this game way too serious. They’re getting into car accidents, getting jumped in alley-ways chasing Charizard, and having their sh*t hacked. Let’s be real; this game is the new Candy Crush, only mobile. People are ignoring the issues because it’s the cool thing to do.
It’s like everyone born from 1990-2000 is on a seriously bad acid trip.
The world is now running rampant over FAKE BULLSH*T. Listen, If you want to play your Pokèmon Go, by all means, go ahead, but there are a few things everyone needs to remember.
( I can’t believe grown adults need this spelt out)
Don’t be an Assh*le. These are the Rules.
1. DO NOT Pokè battle and drive.
As if texting and driving weren’t bad enough, now you have f*cking idiots who think it’s totally okay to be going 80mph while staring through a screen. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! If you murder me with your car because you’re trying to catch a f*cking Blastoise, I will come back as a ghost, murder all of your Pokèmon and shove Pokèballs so far up your ass they will come out of your mouth. The minimum sentence for playing this while driving should be a week in jail; I’m not even kidding. Stop being a moron.
2. DO NOT risk your life for a video game.
Here’s a thought, if you run over the train tracks to catch a Raichu and get hit by a train, that Raichu ain’t gonna mean sh*t. Stay out of sketchy places. No one cares how you caught your damn Pokèmon, but they will laugh if you die chasing something that isn’t real.
3. DO NOT go where you’re not supposed to be.
Guess what? Your neighbor isn’t going to care how rare Mew is. If you’re on their property, they’re going to beat you or call the cops. If you’re not over 21, you can’t get into a bar to catch sh*t. If you’re over 21 and playing at the bar, you need to go the f*ck home. We have enough bathroom issues in America right now, let’s not add Pokèmon chasing to the list, kay?
4. DO NOT play Pokèmon Go at your job.
You’re supposed to be working. I got news for you, the only person who ever made money off of Pikachu was the genius who created all this sh*t. This isn’t a career, and Golem isn’t going to be there to help you rob a bank. For the love of Ash people, get your lives in order!
5. DO NOT forget you’re a grown ass adult that has sh*t to do.
For real. What is wrong with you people? You still need to eat. You still need to shower. You still need to function in society. You all look like a bunch of sh*theads with your phones glued to your faces running after imaginary creatures. THEY AIN’T REALLY THERE.
6. DO NOT DIE
Do I have to explain this one further?
There is something seriously wrong with the world. I’m not trying to be a hater, but you’re not kids anymore. Get your heads out of your asses and get back to reality. Even Ash, Brock, and Misty had to grow up. No one’s life is worth a fad. Not even Mewtwo’s.
Featured Image: CartelPress.com
