More often than not I feel like I am my own worst enemy. It is almost as if I have a default setting to expect the worst, over think, and always consider the worst case scenario before anything else. It is almost as if preparing myself for the worst saves me from ever getting hurt, well at least that is what I thought.
If I had to present a project in a class or for work I would prepare myself by thinking of all the negative comments people could possibly make about my project before hand, so that way when they did make those comments I would have already been prepared to hear them. The funny thing is though that there was no guarantee that anyone would even have a negative opinion. I just automatically assumed and made myself believe that this would be the case.
The negative comments I assumed would follow my presentations replayed in my head throughout, and it just caused me to be nervous. A presentation that had potential to be flawless came out as if I was unprepared because all I could think was, “What if people don’t like this?” I wasn’t preparing myself for the worst, I was setting myself up to fail.
Whenever I found myself in a new relationship I would question every move of the person I was with. If I didn’t receive a response right away I would automatically assume that it was because (he) was too busy talking to someone else. If I saw that (he) liked another female’s photo on social media I automatically wanted to believe that he was no longer into me. I thought the worst constantly about my relationships and let every little “what if” completely consume me.
I thought that by preparing myself for rejection, or preparing myself that he was no longer into me, when that wasn’t the case, would save me from heartbreak. All the over thinking and expecting the worst I had done in my relationships caused for them to end as a failure. I sent myself up to fail in those relationships because how could a relationship filled with negative thoughts and no trust be healthy?
The truth of the matter is that the automatic default setting that I had set to automatically assume the worst was not protecting me from getting hurt in any way. I thought I was looking out for myself and helping myself, but that was not the case. I had become my own worst enemy, and that is so different from self love. Preparing myself for the worst all the time wasn’t protecting me, it was lowering my expectations in life and not allowing myself to grow in any positive way.
After every presentation I felt defeated and as if all the hard work I had put in was useless. After every relationship I ended up feeling more heartache that I had ever imagined I would feel. I was completely clueless that I was my own worst enemy, I thought i was helping myself out. After the feeling of defeat and heartbreak occurred one to many times, I realized I had to be the issue. It wasn’t the guy’s who I was with, or my classmates and colleagues tearing me apart. I was destroying myself, I was my own worst enemy.
How do you know if you are your own worst enemy you may ask. It is difficult to notice at first, because we would never think that we could be our own problem. That is another default setting we have in life, to assume that everyone else is the problem and that it’s not us.
The first sign is that you are your own bully.
You tear apart the little things about yourself when looking in the mirror first because acknowledging the positive things about you.
The next sign is that you put other people’s opinions before your own and value what other’s say more than how you really feel.
With that you also don’t know how to take a compliment. Yes, jealousy is a big issue and people are nasty for no reason. They will say mean things for no reason, but if you take everything everyone tells you to heart, you will make yourself crazy.
With that, learn how to take a compliment.
There are sincere people in this world, compliments do exists, dont assume they are fake. Another sign is that you don’t accept yourself for you because you have unrealistic demands for yourself.
Expectations are a good thing, yes you should strive for excellence; but no one is perfect.
If you don’t accept yourself because you haven’t reached the level of greatness as Beyonce yet, you’re acting as an enemy to yourself. Yes, Beyonce is great, but you are great to in your own way.
Once you have realized that you are your own worst enemy you have to make the transition over to becoming your number 1 fan. Think about it, if Beyonce wasn’t a fan of herself and didn’t believe in herself or could she find followers that believed in her? The best way to become your number 1 fan is practice self love. How do you do that? It is very easy, actually.
You have to become your own motivation.
You have to be motivated to do well for yourself, regardless of the “what ifs.” Start appreciating the little things about yourself. Don’t focus on your flaws, instead for each flaw you think you have, find a positive to balance it out. You will end up realizing more positives about you than you think. Stop overthinking, remove that default setting from yourself, and do not allow it to ever be active again. Take things as they are and believe that everything happens for a reason. Most importantly don’t assume anything, don’t assume what everyone else could be doing, don’t assume people will have something negative to say. Focus on you, be your own fan!