Diet Don’ts: My Real Life Experience with Fat Loss Fads
Trust me when I say, if you are ‘serious’ about losing weight, you ‘seriously’ need to listen to my advice on what NOT to do.
Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m no stranger to weight fluctuation. I have struggled with my weight for years. Ladies, haven’t we all? I constantly complain about how I need to lose weight but rarely take the necessary steps. A $350 juicer was my most recent attempt.
I was spending hours on Pinterest searching for terms like, “How to lose 40 pounds in a month, or How to not hate working out.” I had been told for months that juicing was the way to go. After extensive research, ( and by extensive research I mean Pinterest and Instagram), I found that for best results they say you should juice 3-5 times a day. Juicing is supposedly purported to cleanse your body of impurities and is said to have all around great health benefits. I am a 26 year old female – believe me when I say, I have some purifying that needs to be done. My juicing experience lasted an entire 12 hours. I started nice and early in the morning and by the time 9PM rolled around my own hand was making my mouth water. I told myself I’d only eat something small. This “small meal” ended up being a fat filled feast that even a grown man would shy away from. I know, I too am shocked that I am single…
Listen, I’m going to just come right out and say it, I can eat… A lot. Recently, my friend’s fiancé said it was ‘a pleasure to eat with me because I can eat so much’. If this wasn’t embarrassing enough, we went to a buffet. When I didn’t destroy it, he told me he was disappointed. *Rolling my eyes*
My fork and I were not breaking up anytime soon so I figured I’d take a different approach. I joined a kickboxing club. I took one class and decided that I needed a six-month contract. The guys in the class were good looking so I figured I’d lose weight and they would all want to be my boyfriend. Four months have gone by since I signed up and I’ve attended once. Trust me when I say, this $90 a month commitment is not worth the free gloves I received or the boyfriend I didn’t get.
My lack of motivation to work out led me to my next attempt at weight loss, ‘The Lemonade Diet’… [WARNING! This diet is the worst]. Here is some advice: lock yourself in your house, turn off the lights and hide from the world if you are seeking this as means to drop a few pounds. The Lemonade Diet is made up of the following: Water, lemons, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. It tastes awful and you’re supposed to accompany this concoction every night with a nice warm glass of laxative tea. I made the unfortunate tragedy of drinking this the day of my girlfriend’s bachelorette party. It’s worth hearing the story though. We were at a bar when it hit me. Sweat started dripping down my face as I anxiously made my way to the bathroom. I finished my business and left feeling 100 times better… for about five minutes. I had to get out of there. I started the dreadful tread to my vehicle that was located ten minutes away from my current location. Never in my life did I think I would be sizing up bushes as potential restrooms. This… this is easily the worst weight loss mistake I have ever made.
My point is this: STOP TAKING SHORTCUTS. With my dignity left behind a tree I have decided to do it the right way. I pledge to stop bitching about my clothes not fitting, get off my ass and eat salads rather than pizza. Here goes nothing!
Healthy Diet 2016 starts now… well, or Monday… because everyone knows a good diet always starts on Monday.