How to be an All-Star Wedding Guest

Source: YouTube

It’s that special time of year. Our social calendars have been booked for months. Our refrigerators have been transformed into collages of our impeccably styled and beautiful friends. We suffer through highway traffic and dreadfully inefficient public transportation to visit destinations we’ve never heard of before. And why do we do this? It’s wedding season, kids!

Our friends have extended the invitation for us to bear witness their blessed unions. We have been promised fun, booze and coconut shrimp. Before you get all hopped up on the passed hors d’oeuvres, even veteran wedding attendees need a requisite refresher in wedding day decorum.

Adhere to the following suggestions and you will earn your rightful place at the adults’ table:

Five minutes early is on time

The time printed on the invitation is not a suggestion or approximation. It does not matter how long you’ve known the couple or how “cool you and [blank]” are; it is going to be very difficult to talk your way out of your tardiness. Considering you’ve been staring at the couple’s wedding invitation on your fridge using a save the date magnet from another wedding, you should have the time stamped in your photographic memory by now. Save yourself from the embarrassment of being yelled at by a church lady and getting doors slammed in your face (because that’s not the type of judgement or sass you need in your world) and be on time.

2. Curb the drinking

Ah, the open bar. So, your friends sprung for a major (and costly) ingredient in the fun wedding recipe. However, an open bar is not a Double Dare Physical Challenge to drink the bar dry.

Open bars at weddings don’t fall under the scope of maritime law. Last call indeed means last call. No shots indeed means no shots. No drinks allowed on the dance floor? Well, there’s a reason for that one. People drop them, glasses shatter and then the music stops because the venue staff has to clean up the tragic remains of your now wasted gin & tonic. Pace yourself and those around you.

3. Say yes!

The newlyweds aren’t the only ones saying “I do” to new things today. Embrace the theme and join the fun! An ethnic folk song starts to play during the reception? Dance like no one is watching! The bride wants to throw her bouquet to the single ladies? Squeeze in some light calisthenics and get out there with your catcher’s mitt! Be gone, cynicism. No matter how hackneyed and trite you think some wedding traditions are, cast aside your opinions because the day really isn’t about you

4. Mingle like a master

Face time with the couple during their reception is almost guaranteed to be at a minimum but don’t take it personally. Depending on the size of their party, they have a lot people to meet and greet, and they need to work the room. Bridge the divide between friends and family, and give a warm hello to the proud parents and grandparents. Your olive branch and manners will not go unnoticed.

5. Do. Not. Wear. White.

Even if you break every other rule set forth in a blaze of righteous glory, literally make sure you’re wearing any color but white. White formal wear is synonymous with prom goers and that ship has sailed.

There you have it. Humor the couple and use their punny social media hashtag, wear comfortable shoes and I’ll see you on the dance floor cutting a rug to “Twist and Shout.”