1. You Drink Your Coffee Black.
Not with all this flavoring and sugar sh*t kids these days are pouring in it. And ICED?! Who wants cold coffee? If it’s not burning the roof of my mouth then I want no part of it. Yeah, I know it’s 90 degrees outside. So?
2. You Rather Cook than Go Out to Eat.
It just makes more sense. I have all this food and it’s going to go to waste. Plus I took the chicken out of the freezer last night so now I have to make it. Oh! and I’ll have lunch tomorrow too!
3. You Rather Hang Out With Family Than Friends
Some of my friends are my family, so they count too. But having dinner with mom and dad is so much more appealing then trying to get into those packed bars. AND have you seen the prices?! $8 dollars for a craft beer? Back in my day!!!!- oh, wait a minute.
4. You Find Clubs to Be Disgusting
Keep your bumping and grinding ass away from me. I want nothing to do with it. You’re really going to let a stranger touch you like that? REALLY? You don’t know where his hands have been… EW. My shoes stick to the f*cking floors. What does no one know how to mop around here? AND COULD YOU LOWER THAT GOD DAMN MUSIC?! My Aunt Tilly can hear it and she’s been dead 30 years…
5. You Enjoy Food Shopping
If you know when to go food shopping, it can actually be therapeutic. Just avoid the busiest hours and take nice slow strolls up and down the isles. No rushing, just you, your cart and the shopping list.
6. You Freak Out Over How Much Stuff Costs
Oh my god, I need those shoes. YASSS! They have them in my size!! Now how much are these- $200 ?!?!? WHAT IN THE- Are these magical shoes?! Do they last forever?! I don’t care who’s name is on the inside of them, he ain’t wearing them. This could pay the electric bill! I don’t believe people spend this much money on sh*t. SOMEONE POINT ME TOWARDS CLEARANCE!
7. You Yell at Your Friends for Doing Stupid Sh*t
Are you kidding me?! You were wasted and thought going home with him was a good idea?! You don’t even know him! I DON’T CARE IF HIS NAME IS ZAC EFRON. YOU DON’T GO HOME WITH STRANGERS. For Pete’s Sake!!!
8. You Hate Technology
Why do you always text? You can’t call me? Is it that much effort to pick up a phone?! And what are you Snapchatting now? Can’t you just eat your damn dinner? You know something, this is what’s wrong with the world…..
9. You Pack for the End of the World
Okay- so I made sandwiches, have 10 bottles of water, a change of clothes, first aid kit, chargers, pepper spray, and a flashlight. YES, I know we’re only going to a baseball game, but if you get hungry and some creep tries to steal your sandwich, guess what you’re going to need.
YEP. That’s what I thought….
10. You Freak Out If People Are Coming Over and the Place Isn’t Spotless.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY’RE STOPPING BY?! Oh my god, oh my god, OH. MY. GOD. I gotta clean the bathroom. Sh*t there are dishes in the sink. Did you make the bed?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY AM I FREAKING OUT. DO YOU WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW WE LIVE LIKE PIGS?!
11. You B*tch About Money
It’s like no matter how much I work, I can never get ahead! Everything just keep going up! If it’s not cable, it’s insurance. If it’s not the super markets it’s the cell phone bills. Everything just keeps going up except my pay. How do they expect us to live?!!
Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?
