Social Media Letdown: These Are A Few Of My Least Favorite Things

    So… let’s talk social media. I hate it. I hate that you have my dream job or that you just paid off your student loans. I don’t care about your baby or how often you practice yoga. This is reality. My stomach turns every time someone gets engaged… and trust me when I say, it is not out of jealousy. I even went as far as recently unfriending a guy I went to high school with who suggested via Facebook that his friends “MUST READ” “Ten reasons why Donald Trump should be president.” Seriously? Must you spew your ignorance and blatant acceptance of racism all over my Facebook feed? (Just my opinion)

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    I wish I could tell you why I continue to waste my time and energy on social media sites. But the fact of the matter is, I can’t explain it. It’s possible I keep it around for the sheer pleasure I experience over the occasional, relate-able, funny meme. Perhaps it’s the slight bit of happiness I feel when someone tells me how pretty I look in my Instagram picture that has one filter instead of five. Or maybe it’s the fact my friends won’t remember my birthday if Facebook doesn’t remind them.

    One of my best friends recently deleted his Facebook in order to “look professional” in law school. (I think he’s actually dodging the multitude of woman who all think they’re dating him… But that’s just my personal opinion.) Either way, he forgot my birthday. I knew it was because he no longer trolls Facebook like the rest of us… but it still hurt my feelings. I didn’t say anything to him for an entire week thinking he’d somehow remember. He didn’t. At the end of the week I pulled out that loaded gun expecting an all out, over the top apology. You know, hands and knees begging for forgiveness. To my dismay, he replied with a, “Sorry I missed it, I thought it was coming up. You know I don’t have Facebook anymore.” How dare he turn this around on me? Write that shit down! It’s the most important day of the year!

    After a few minutes of reeling I realized that I don’t know his birthday either. I don’t even know what month he was born in. At least he knew mine was, “coming up.” The sad truth is that I wouldn’t remember the majority of my friends birthdays without Facebook. Social Media has made it so easy to lethargically walk through life and I’m guilty of being another zoned out zombie. Which leads me to my next point…

    STOP SPOILING THE WALKING DEAD! Your premature statuses suggesting a character has died makes me want to come up with a life threatening virus that thins the human race. That way, I don’t have to worry about you ruining my Sunday night. I believe I’ll eventually delete all of my social media sites but for now… they stay. I was just in a wedding and I’d like to see if I look like a sausage in the pictures. I mean, who makes their bridesmaids wear short nude dresses, (that are too tight), with cowboy boots? YUCK!

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