I have a cell phone and booze policy.. and you should have one too.
Once I start drinking, my cell phone stays in my purse. You might assume that this self-imposed cell phone ban came about because I did something spectacularly stupid that got photographed and posted to social media, or that I’m a serial drunk texter. Thankfully, that’s not the case. That’s not to say there aren’t some embarrassing photos and texts floating around – they just aren’t the reasons I restrict my phone access.
There is a story behind this though. What actually happened is, I stuck my phone in the back pocket of my jeans so I could have a free hand to hold a beer and forgot it was there. Guess what happened when I went to the restroom? Yup, my cell phone took a dive into a public toilet. Needless to say, the Nokia got lost at sea, and I was out a couple hundred bucks! But, that’s not even the reason for my ramblings. I digress.
You probably already know this, technology and tequila do not go together. Think about how much misery you could save yourself from if your phone was inaccessible while you’re wasted! There’s no risk of inappropriate Facebook stalking your ex, and suddenly feeling compelled to shoot him/her a desperate message about how much you miss them. You wouldn’t run the risk of accidentally liking a photo that’s 6 months old on your work crush’s Instagram. How awesome would the next day be if you didn’t have to worry about anything other than nursing your hangover and finding someone to bring you a PediaLyte and greasy food?
Having access to technology when your inhibitions are low, or non-existent, is a recipe for disaster. You know the drill – you tell your bestie, “Don’t let me text anyone or post anything when I’m drunk,” and the next thing you know she’s telling you what a brilliant idea it is to text your first boyfriend from high school about how you would still be down to have his babies! There’s only so much responsibility you can put on your friends.
You would think with how quick technology advances, there would be some kind of drunk texting safeguard – one that actually works – like how you can delete emails from Gmail up to 10 seconds after sending. You can even edit Facebook and Instagram posts, or better yet delete them and hope that no one saw you were even on the internet at 3:30am. Sadly, that’s not the case. I have been doing some investigating and thought I may have found the key to solving our problems. The app is called Protect Your Privates and it supposedly allows you to delete texts off their server if they haven’t been read yet. At first it sounds great, but then you read the fine print and realize you can’t text anyone unless they have the app too. FAIL.
You really only have two options, embrace the embarrassment and search texts from last night daily to make sure you aren’t published or ditch your phone until you’re sober. A personal booze policy is the way to go. Trust me!
On the other hand, ff you happen to find yourself as the recipient of one of these drunken gems – be kind. Karma is a bitch, and if you simply keep the text to yourself or limit the publication of the sender’s embarrassment, someone might be just as kind to you when you inevitably send something out. It’s an unspoken drunk pay it forward. And if you are the friend of someone who has a nasty hangover that is only made worse by the ridiculous antics of the night before, don’t laugh – payback amongst friends can get messy.
Until your next night out – check out these drunk texting fails and let this serve as a reminder of what can go wrong when you use your phone after a whole bunch of shots.