99 Thoughts Every Girl Has While Getting Her Nails Done

    1. Pick a color? Okay, that’s easy enough!
    2. Hold on… wait… why are there so many?!?
    3. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PICK JUST ONE???
    4. Okay, I’ve been staring at basically the same two shades of pink for 20 minutes now. Time for eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
    5. Well, at least that’s finally settled.
    6. I wonder how long I’m going to have to wait for.
    7. How many people are there in front of me? 3. OK. Shouldn’t be so long.
    8. THIS IS TAKING FOREVER. I should have made an appointment. Why didn’t I make an appointment?!?!
    9. Next time I’m making an appointment.
    10. Didn’t they tell me 5 minutes?? It’s been 45. I KNOW HOW TO TELL TIME, PEOPLE!!!!
    11. *Contemplates dramatically storming out*
    12. *Reminds self to take a chill pill*
    13. I’m up next. It’s all going to be okay.
    14. Any minute now…
    15. WHY IS TIME MOVING SO SLOW???
    16. Do I even like the pink I picked?
    17. Should I check out the colors again?
    18. OMG. No time for that. Finally, I’M UP!!!
    19. LET’S DO THIS.
    20. Let’s do this…maybe a little gentler? That hurts.
    21. Are you cutting my cuticles or trying to kill me????
    22. I guess beauty really is pain.
    23. Yes, can you please cut them just a little?
    24. WHOA. THAT IS NOT A LITTLE.
    25. So much for growing out my nails.
    26. “Yes, that’s fine, thank you!”
    27. Why am I such a liar???
    28. Whatever, the damage is done.
    29. NO. NO. NO.
    30. Did she really forget to file that nail????
    31. It looks so CROOKED.
    32. Do I say something??????
    33. It’s driving me CRAZY but I hate confrontation.
    34. But I’m paying for this… it should be done how I want it, right?!!?
    35. I’ll just say it nicely.
    36. “Excuse me, could you just file this name a little more, please?”
    37. WHY IS SHE LOOKING AT ME LIKE I JUST KILLED HER FAMILY?
    38. I thought I was being nice??? I said please???
    39. Maybe she’s just having a bad day. It can’t be me.
    40. Mission accomplished. The nail looks better. Let’s move on.
    41. Seriously, I hate getting my nails done.
    42. I AM SO BORED.
    43. GIVE ME BACK MY FINGERS SO I CAN TEXT.
    44. OMG who keeps calling me?!?! I’M BUSY.
    45. Obviously, it’s just my mom.
    46. Can she stop calling? Clearly I cannot answer right now.
    47. WAIT A MINUTE. This is the color I picked?????
    48. WHY IS IT SO SHEER???
    49. *panic attack*
    50. It has to get better after another coat, right???
    51. Oh no. I f*cked up.
    52. I really f*cked up, didn’t I?
    53. WHY DO I ALWAYS DO THIS??
    54. I wonder if it’s too late to change the color…
    55. I can’t. She’ll kill me.
    56. But, UGH, I really do not like this sh*t.
    57. It did NOT look like this in the bottle.
    58. Don’t people know that false advertisement is a CRIME????
    59. Someone needs to be held accountable for this.
    60. UNREAL!!!!!
    61. Wait a sec….
    62. WAIT A SEC.
    63. OK. Coat 2 is on and it’s looking better!!!!
    64. GOD IS FOR REAL.
    65. But I bet a third coat would really save the day…
    66. Do I dare ask???
    67. I’ll literally give a better tip.
    68. SUCK IT UP AND JUST ASK!!!
    69. *rehearses “can we do one more coat, please?” in head before saying it out loud”*
    70. YES. I killed that.
    71. It’s true — practice really does make perfect.
    72. WOULD YA LOOK AT THAT!!!
    73. Third coat for the win. I was right.
    74. LIFE IS GOOD.
    75. I LOVE THIS COLOR.
    76. Annnndddd we’re almost done!
    77. F*ck. The worst part is coming though.
    78. I HATE DRYING.
    79. Please don’t smudge, please don’t smudge, please don’t smudge.
    80. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
    81. How do I do this EVERY SINGLE TIME?
    82. Seriously, how old am I? This is embarrassing.
    83. I don’t even want to ask them to fix it.
    84. I need them to fix it.
    85. I’ll just ask them nicely to fix it and apologize… a lot.
    86. WHY ARE THEY LAUGHING AT ME????
    87. HAVE THEY NEVER SEEN ANYBODY SMUDGE A NAIL BEFORE?
    88. This is like 6th grade all over again.
    89. Well, it’s about time they stopped laughing.
    90. OMG. Now they’re all talking.
    91. WHAT ARE THEY SAYING??????
    92. I know it’s about me.
    93. HOW RUDE.
    94. Whatever, my nail’s fixed that’s all that matters.
    95. Let’s try this whole drying thing again.
    96. I wonder if they’re dry yet….
    97. THEY’VE GOT TO BE DRY SOON
    98. Why is this taking so long??????
    99. I AM SO DONE. I can’t do this anymore. I’m leaving. Let’s hope for the best.

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